So it begins, the chaos that sets me up to fail. Or is it just that I have no willpower, guts, stickability? What happened, my 2 year old grand daughter slept over on Tuesday night, woke in the night and stayed awake for quite a while, I wake up tired. Breakfast was fine, scrambled eggs all the good stuff. Then my grand daughter wakes again and is not well, she has a cold and we don't go off to our usual music morning, she sleeps on and off all day. I don't get a chance to have a proper lunch, I nibble on chicken, strawberries and cheese and nuts. I then have an appointment in the afternoon after taking her to her mum. I have a crisis to help another family through and I get home at 6.30pm. Stressed annoyed at the situation I have just seen this family in, I grab a bottle of wine on the way home. WHY you ask, I don't know I asked the same question and got the same answer. Don't know why, other than I can and at that moment I didn't really care. Even as I open the bottle and drain most of it I am not even thinking about the guilt and anger I will feel this morning. I sabotage myself daily.
So here I am again having to really make myself not throw it in already. 3 days in and off the rails already. I have a problem to deal with. Resorting to wine for comfort and though I didn't drink at all for 13 years or so, since I started a few years ago, it is obvious to me, it is not a good thing for me. So here we go today another day, I have heaps to deal with today, a hangover from the situation I was made aware of yesterday, a family that needs help and I have to make sure I don't resort to my old comfort this afternoon. Sounds so ridiculous to people who don't need a drink to relax I know, I've been one of you too. But it is my reality at the moment. Somehow I need to change my reality.