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Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Here we go again

It's the first day of January 2014, here I am again.  This never ending circle of eat, obsess, drink, obsess, feel guilt, eat, lose a little put on some more......
Does it ever end....
How does it change.....
How many diets, weight loss plans, tests blah blah blah before I stand up and take responsibility for why I am fat.

I have tried so many things over the last few months to lose weight and while some have worked a little I self harm really and blow it.  In my mind there must be some terrible thing that wants me to fail, WHY??

I don't know, I don't even want to try and figure that out, I am here today feeling like I have only a few things I can do to change my life, my weight, how I feel about myself.

The first thing I have to do, and this is a must like no other is to stop drinking.  I love alcohol, I love the release I get from it, I love the way it makes me loose, I do I love it and it is the one thing that I have not been able to give up this last year.  I haven't wanted to give up I want to drink.  Well I have wanted to drink, but today I have to decided to do things differently.  I have to walk a different way to end this hopeless cycle.

This morning at 11.20am I weigh 84.5kg and my waist measurement is 41.5in

I desperately want this to change.

I want to eat simply, 90% of the time, I love food, I love eating at great restaurants so I cannot say that I never will, but I will limit the amount of time and effort that is put into eating and creating dishes that make me fat.

I want to feed my body and my mind on good foods.

I want to research to find healthy alternatives for me.

I will do these things this year.
I will drink less honestly.
I will start now,

Friday, January 4, 2013

Week 1

Day 1 of my 2013 Primal Living challenge saw me eating this for lunch, yummo, home made avo dressing and home grown eggs.  My girls did me proud don't you think?
I was motivated on Jan 1st to really get in and make a good start.  So I made this bottle:
I call it my good news jar and my intention is to add a little note to it each day that something good happens.  So far 3 out of 5 days have a note and one of them covers 2 days, not bad going hey.  I look forward to looking at the notes in December and remembering the days and events of the year gone by.  I want to stick with it, so often I begin something and part way through I just let it go, not this time, I am really making my word, be my word this year, enough stuffing round and not sticking to it.  This goes for all of my choices this year. 
So with that in mind I have not had a drink since New Years Eve and when my mind wanders and leads me to thoughts about having a drink I stop myself dead in my tracks and divert those thoughts.  It's working well so far.  And I've walked, twice, so what you say!
Well for about 3 years my back has given me problems, I've had dozens of visits to the physio to no avail.  I haven't been able to walk far at all or for long, another reason why my weight has increased I guess.  So I have walked, the first time I needed to sit twice in the 45 mins, this time I didn't sit at all, and we did some lunges, (terrible for my bad knee) but I did them anyway, some jogging, it will become sprints, and some side stepping. 45 minutes of hell ha ha!!
I felt great at the end, puffing like I might drop dead at any moment, but proud I had done it.  Hopefully we'll do it again this weekend.  
So off to a good start, can you keep up!

Sunday, December 30, 2012

A New Year A New Beginning

Yes I know I am early, it's not 2013 yet, it is just after 7 am on the morning of the 31st December as I write this and tonight looms ahead of me, the doorway into 2013 and what I hope will be the slimmest year of my life, well my life for the last 30 years anyway.

I have posted some now photos of me a few posts back, I don't want to do more of them yuk!!! So here is what I intend to look like by the end of this year 2013.
 This is me all dressed up for my eldest daughters wedding.  The gorgeous chickies with me are my beautiful twins.  Now 23 years old.  This was 2007 January 13th so they were 18 here.  I felt fat even here, I think back and I have felt fat for years.  Actually I lost about 32kgs after the twins were born and I kept it off for several years.  Lots of gym work, literally 7 days a week and several hours of work outs.  Then when the girls went to school I stopped that as much I just didn't  want to spend everyday in the gym anymore.  I didn't put on lots of weight at first but slowly it crept on.    Looking at this though I would be quite happy to be that size now.  About a 12 dress I think and now I am a 16.
This is the same year only December 31 so a whole year later.  I don't think my weight had changed much so that was good.  I like my face here.  I have practically no photos of me now, I haven't let anyone take any for ages.  I hate my triple chin thing.  So my goal for 2013 is to lose 20kg.  I was really hesitant to actually put a weight there, I was afraid, am afraid I will fail and look stupid, I guess.  
So my goals are:
1.  for the first 3 weeks of January from 1st through 23rd no alcohol.  That's a real biggy for me so here's me standing and saying no alcohol for those 23 days.
2.  Read the 21 day Primal Challenge by the end of January.
3.  Go to bed earlier each night so I can read.
4.  Eat only Primal foods.
5.  Stop hating myself and the way I look, speak more kindly to myself and others.

They probably don't sound like much to you but here they are my first 5 chalenges for January.

Now my symptoms, the things I notice about myself at the moment.
1.  When I wake in the mornings my tummy is usually a bit sore.
2.  My urine smells bad.
3.  I have lots of achey joints, knees, elbows and ankles are stiff.
4.  I am often thirsty and crave mineral water.
5.  I have a lot of hot flushes throughout the day and night.
6.  I am often out of breath and have little energy to exercise and I am lazy.

So lets see if during this process some of these things change.
Also I did my first oil pulling this morning.  The coconut oil went from clear to very milky.  I pulled and swished for 20 mins first this this morning.  Not sure if it makes any difference at all but I'll try it for a bit.

So here I am ready to change and lose weight this year.  And I want to feel healthier too.
Follow along and see how I go.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Facing the Truth

It was always my intention to post here often, daily even perhaps and yet here I am several weeks since my last post.  I am a chicken, I don't like to post about failure and yet it would certainly help me to get back on track if I did.
So since last time, I put back on almost all that I had lost and I KNOW it was because I drank to much through out the week.
This week though I have been much better and since last Friday I have lost 1.9kgs yeah for me!!!!! Todays weight is 86.3kg, last week I was 88.2kg.  So hopefully I'm back on track and will stay there can't guarantee thought, I am weak.
I found a fab recipe though for pancakes.  You must try this!!!!

Low Carb Pancakes
In a bowl place 20z or approx 56grams of cream cheese and two eggs.  I made this batch savoury so also added salt and pepper, but you can go sweet and add cinnamon or nutmeg.
Beat till combined, I used a stick beater and it worked really well.
 Let the bubbles settle for a while and spoon into a hot pan.  I cooked this batch in lemon infused olive oil and it left a lovely lemony taste to the pancakes.

I added some bacon and mushrooms and half a small avoacado, absolutely delish and low carb to boot.
A product I found too is this great coconut oil spray, perfect for all things primal.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Making Roads

I am a happy chappy today.  Well I was a happy chappy on Friday when I weighed in at 86.5kg another kilo loss.  See me doing a little happy dance, can ya see me, grin planted on my face and wiggling my little toosh on the cat walk.

So how did this week go?  I committed to no alcohol and no cheating for 2 weeks and it has paid off, a total of 3.5kg in 2 weeks.  That loss keeps me motivated to keep going.  Now I say that and then on Friday afternoon I drank a bottle of wine, no reason, I just felt like it.  I don't know why I lapsed it wasn't the usual frantic day that I felt I needed to relax after, though it was a busy day.  Any way I did it and I am waiting to see how it will effect my weight this Friday when I weigh in again.  I'm really nervous.  I noticed to that after the wine I felt like more over the weekend, when the past 2 weeks I wasn't craving it so much anymore.  I can see the craving for the sugar coming in to play here.  On Saturday night we had take out of Indian and I had some rice and I was so bloated, SO bloated it hurt.  I'm not sure whether it was the rice or the curry, not sure of the ingredients.  The bowl above is what I called Mexi chicken.  I made it from chicken, and veg and some mexican taco seasoning.  It was fabulous and I didn't feel bloated when i ate this.  I'll have to be stricter and make my own take outs for awhile.

Sunday, September 30, 2012

5 Days Later

If you could see me you'd see me dancing.  Tapping my toes, wiggling my butt and grinning from ear to ear.  Yep that's what you'd see.  I lost 2.5kg from Monday till Friday.  I do a weigh in on Fridays with a Facebook Primal Group and even hough I started on Monday I weighed in on Friday.  I have gone from 90kg, my heaviest ever weight to 87.5kg.  I weighed 87.5kg back on the 8th of September and I though I was good then.  But of course I drank and put it all back on and then some so for now, I am back on track and trying really hard to stay there.
Let's see how I go on Monday or shall I wait till next Friday to weigh in again, yeah I think I will.  I really like using the FitDay site for keeping track of my carbs throughout the day.  It is really good to see the portions and know how much carb they contain.
Wish me luck till next Friday okay.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Making A Stand

I have taken a stand, drawn a line in the sand and I am saying no more.  No more drinking at home and nibbling away to my hearts content.  No more resorting to a drink after a hectic day and then bashing myself senseless the next day.  I told my husband on Monday this is it, I have to lose weight.  I hate the way I look, I hate myself for being weak and blowing it all the time.  This is a time in my life where I should be rejoicing, confident in who I am, living the good life.  Instead I am not looking at myself in the mirror, not buying nice clothes, because I refuse to buy a size 18 and that's the next step for me.  Gawd I was a 8 to 10  as a teen and a 10 - 12 after babies.  Now I am buying an XL or 16 no more okay no more.  So we decided together not to enable each other to drink at home.  We are not even going to drink out this week.  I know is this a blog about eating and losing weight or alcohol consumption, I know, where am I going?  But I so firmly believe that the two for me are linked.  Alcohol makes me chillax, feel free, until the next day, when I am riddled with guilt, then I eat when I am drinking too.  So I have to find out the emotional reasons why I am doing this to myself.  I am addicted to feeling relaxed, chilled, cool, and booze does that for me so I am addicted to booze.  I am also addicted to sabotaging myself, calling myself horrid names, blaming myself for my weakness, all those things to, I must be otherwise I would have lost all this weight when I started this way of eating way back in March this year.  I believe the Primal / Paleo lifestyle will work for me.  I love food and I love to eat and on this plan you can, it's all about cutting out the carbs and making my body consume the fat it is carrying for energy.  
Who wouldn't want to eat this for breakfast and still lose weight?  SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!
So I have crossed the line and I am going to stay committed.  Truly I am.  Oh and I found this brilliant blog to help me with some meals you have to check it out.