A New Year A New Beginning

Yes I know I am early, it's not 2013 yet, it is just after 7 am on the morning of the 31st December as I write this and tonight looms ahead of me, the doorway into 2013 and what I hope will be the slimmest year of my life, well my life for the last 30 years anyway.

I have posted some now photos of me a few posts back, I don't want to do more of them yuk!!! So here is what I intend to look like by the end of this year 2013.

 This is me all dressed up for my eldest daughters wedding.  The gorgeous chickies with me are my beautiful twins.  Now 23 years old.  This was 2007 January 13th so they were 18 here.  I felt fat even here, I think back and I have felt fat for years.  Actually I lost about 32kgs after the twins were born and I kept it off for several years.  Lots of gym work, literally 7 days a week and several hours of work outs.  Then when the girls went to school I stopped that as much I just didn't  want to spend everyday in the gym anymore.  I didn't put on lots of weight at first but slowly it crept on.    Looking at this though I would be quite happy to be that size now.  About a 12 dress I think and now I am a 16.

This is the same year only December 31 so a whole year later.  I don't think my weight had changed much so that was good.  I like my face here.  I have practically no photos of me now, I haven't let anyone take any for ages.  I hate my triple chin thing.  So my goal for 2013 is to lose 20kg.  I was really hesitant to actually put a weight there, I was afraid, am afraid I will fail and look stupid, I guess.  

So my goals are:

1.  for the first 3 weeks of January from 1st through 23rd no alcohol.  That's a real biggy for me so here's me standing and saying no alcohol for those 23 days.

2.  Read the 21 day Primal Challenge by the end of January.

3.  Go to bed earlier each night so I can read.

4.  Eat only Primal foods.

5.  Stop hating myself and the way I look, speak more kindly to myself and others.

They probably don't sound like much to you but here they are my first 5 chalenges for January.

Now my symptoms, the things I notice about myself at the moment.

1.  When I wake in the mornings my tummy is usually a bit sore.

2.  My urine smells bad.

3.  I have lots of achey joints, knees, elbows and ankles are stiff.

4.  I am often thirsty and crave mineral water.

5.  I have a lot of hot flushes throughout the day and night.

6.  I am often out of breath and have little energy to exercise and I am lazy.

So lets see if during this process some of these things change.

Also I did my first oil pulling this morning.  The coconut oil went from clear to very milky.  I pulled and swished for 20 mins first this this morning.  Not sure if it makes any difference at all but I'll try it for a bit.

So here I am ready to change and lose weight this year.  And I want to feel healthier too.

Follow along and see how I go.

Facing the Truth

It was always my intention to post here often, daily even perhaps and yet here I am several weeks since my last post.  I am a chicken, I don't like to post about failure and yet it would certainly help me to get back on track if I did.

So since last time, I put back on almost all that I had lost and I KNOW it was because I drank to much through out the week.

This week though I have been much better and since last Friday I have lost 1.9kgs yeah for me!!!!! Todays weight is 86.3kg, last week I was 88.2kg.  So hopefully I'm back on track and will stay there can't guarantee thought, I am weak.

I found a fab recipe though for pancakes.  You must try this!!!!

Low Carb Pancakes

In a bowl place 20z or approx 56grams of cream cheese and two eggs.  I made this batch savoury so also added salt and pepper, but you can go sweet and add cinnamon or nutmeg.

Beat till combined, I used a stick beater and it worked really well.

 Let the bubbles settle for a while and spoon into a hot pan.  I cooked this batch in lemon infused olive oil and it left a lovely lemony taste to the pancakes.

I added some bacon and mushrooms and half a small avoacado, absolutely delish and low carb to boot.

A product I found too is this great coconut oil spray, perfect for all things primal.

5 Days Later

If you could see me you'd see me dancing.  Tapping my toes, wiggling my butt and grinning from ear to ear.  Yep that's what you'd see.  I lost 2.5kg from Monday till Friday.  I do a weigh in on Fridays with a Facebook Primal Group and even hough I started on Monday I weighed in on Friday.  I have gone from 90kg, my heaviest ever weight to 87.5kg.  I weighed 87.5kg back on the 8th of September and I though I was good then.  But of course I drank and put it all back on and then some so for now, I am back on track and trying really hard to stay there.

Let's see how I go on Monday or shall I wait till next Friday to weigh in again, yeah I think I will.  I really like using the FitDay site for keeping track of my carbs throughout the day.  It is really good to see the portions and know how much carb they contain.

Wish me luck till next Friday okay.

Making A Stand

I have taken a stand, drawn a line in the sand and I am saying no more.  No more drinking at home and nibbling away to my hearts content.  No more resorting to a drink after a hectic day and then bashing myself senseless the next day.  I told my husband on Monday this is it, I have to lose weight.  I hate the way I look, I hate myself for being weak and blowing it all the time.  This is a time in my life where I should be rejoicing, confident in who I am, living the good life.  Instead I am not looking at myself in the mirror, not buying nice clothes, because I refuse to buy a size 18 and that's the next step for me.  Gawd I was a 8 to 10  as a teen and a 10 - 12 after babies.  Now I am buying an XL or 16 no more okay no more.  So we decided together not to enable each other to drink at home.  We are not even going to drink out this week.  I know is this a blog about eating and losing weight or alcohol consumption, I know, where am I going?  But I so firmly believe that the two for me are linked.  Alcohol makes me chillax, feel free, until the next day, when I am riddled with guilt, then I eat when I am drinking too.  So I have to find out the emotional reasons why I am doing this to myself.  I am addicted to feeling relaxed, chilled, cool, and booze does that for me so I am addicted to booze.  I am also addicted to sabotaging myself, calling myself horrid names, blaming myself for my weakness, all those things to, I must be otherwise I would have lost all this weight when I started this way of eating way back in March this year.  I believe the Primal / Paleo lifestyle will work for me.  I love food and I love to eat and on this plan you can, it's all about cutting out the carbs and making my body consume the fat it is carrying for energy.  

Who wouldn't want to eat this for breakfast and still lose weight?  SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!

So I have crossed the line and I am going to stay committed.  Truly I am.  Oh and I found this brilliant blog to help me with some meals you have to check it out.

Feeling Crappy

Sometimes I just wonder how stupid I can be.  Really just how many times am I going to tell myself I am going to make changes and then go and sabotage myself the same darn day. So that has happened of course this eek, just like it does every week, I am so darn weak it isn't funny.  

But today I am sick of it yeah I know said it before blah blah,,,,,, but I really mean it.  On the weekend our beautiful granddaughter came to visit and we were painting with her and my husband took some photos of me and her together, all I see is my ever expanding bloody chin, my fat fingers, like chipolatas and my fat arms and wrists.  He says you have to have your photo taken with her I say not like this doesn't he get it!!!!!!!!

So I just have to do this.  I hate myself daily, I wake up thinking oh now what am I going to wear today, I look in the mirror and want to scream, and then I go and drink and that makes me put on the weight.  I have a drinking problem, probably more than an eating problem.  I have to get this sorted out NOW!!!!!!!!!

One Week On

I am not very happy today.  I know what has happened but just the same I am upset.  I say over and over that I am going to get it together and lose this weight and then at the first sign of stress I drink and then probably over eat.  I say probably because I'm not sure, I don't weigh things like nuts and cheese when I am eating and drinking, so who knows.  Any way my weight today is up again.  Let's recap

Starting weight 

1st September  88.9kg            

8th September 87.5kg   big cheers here of course

15th September 87.9kg I knew I had blown it over the weekend slap the side of my own head

21st September 88.3kg I drank way too much over the Friday to Sunday night period last week.  My mum came to visit and I get really stressed when she comes.  I love her very very much but we clash and it is a constant effort for me not to talk back and cause an argument.  So to chill out I drink.  Obviously that didn't work.  Well it stop the arguing either, though I was

quick to retreat and all calmed down before it got out of control.

So here I am again lining up for another week of holding my breath to see if I can lose something this week.  ARGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One high five for me though and I need to acknowledge every little achievement.  Yesterday after a very full on day at work I was contemplating grabbing a bottle of red to go with the steak we were having for dinner.  I didn't, I got a glimpse of myself in a window as I left work and then in the mirror in the car and I forced myself to drive on and not stop at the bottle shop.  I think that is an achievement for me.

So here goes another week.

Weighing In

I am part of a Primal Weight Loss FaceBook group and as a way to focus and stay accountable a lot of us are weighing in and posting our weight on Fridays.  Today I weighed in and I've put on 400grams since last Saturday.  I know why though.  On Tuesday my first day back at work I had a bottle of wine, see my way of celebrating, chinning that whole thing.  Then yesterday at work I had a Torture and Trauma seminar to attend and lunch was wraps. I ate them as I didn't have an option so there was a small amount of wheat there.  Last night we had a family dinner out for Adrian's birthday and I had 3 glasses of wine.  I can see the errors here.  I'm a little frightened though as my mum comes this afternoon and I know she loves to kick back and have a few drinks when she comes.  Arghh  I constantly seem to come up against these little things that slap down my ability to lose. 

I have found some good blogs though, I particularly like this one so go and have a little snoop around.

And for some recipes to live by check out here.

Coconut prawns so easy, so delish, so primal.  Coat your prawns in coconut and cook in coconut oil.  Way to go.