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Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Here we go again

It's the first day of January 2014, here I am again.  This never ending circle of eat, obsess, drink, obsess, feel guilt, eat, lose a little put on some more......
Does it ever end....
How does it change.....
How many diets, weight loss plans, tests blah blah blah before I stand up and take responsibility for why I am fat.

I have tried so many things over the last few months to lose weight and while some have worked a little I self harm really and blow it.  In my mind there must be some terrible thing that wants me to fail, WHY??

I don't know, I don't even want to try and figure that out, I am here today feeling like I have only a few things I can do to change my life, my weight, how I feel about myself.

The first thing I have to do, and this is a must like no other is to stop drinking.  I love alcohol, I love the release I get from it, I love the way it makes me loose, I do I love it and it is the one thing that I have not been able to give up this last year.  I haven't wanted to give up I want to drink.  Well I have wanted to drink, but today I have to decided to do things differently.  I have to walk a different way to end this hopeless cycle.

This morning at 11.20am I weigh 84.5kg and my waist measurement is 41.5in

I desperately want this to change.

I want to eat simply, 90% of the time, I love food, I love eating at great restaurants so I cannot say that I never will, but I will limit the amount of time and effort that is put into eating and creating dishes that make me fat.

I want to feed my body and my mind on good foods.

I want to research to find healthy alternatives for me.

I will do these things this year.
I will drink less honestly.
I will start now,

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